i've found a solution

Take the boys to Nebraska!!!

Nebraska has apparently made a HUGE error in the way they worded their Safe Haven law. It's a fairly common law for states to have on the books now, in that it gives new mothers a chance to leave their newborns at places like hospitals and police stations without questions asked. It's intended to prevent them abandoning them in dumpsters and such.

Well, Nebraska's law isn't specific with the age, and only says "child" in the language. They've scheduled a special session to correct the problem, because they've got people dropping off unruly teenagers now. Even from out of state!!!

So you'd better hurry before they change the law!!!

Plus, as an added benefit, the oldest would qualify for more grants and scholarships as an orphan!!!

Everybody wins!!!

Okay, seriously: I wish we all had magic wands and all, because it sucks when friends go through these things and we're all powerless to help in a tangible way. Especially when we're all scattered so far away.

Alas, we don't have any wands. All we can do is offer an ear to listen, shoulder to lean and/or cry on, and a belt to whip the little bastards into sub... well, maybe we can't go that far.

If I thought it would help, I could talk to him about my own regrets. I could tell him all about the paths I've chosen and where they've led. Chances are, he would turn on his "boring adult lecture" filter, and it would blow in one ear and out the other like a gale force wind.

We all want to help each other, and we all want to help R. At this point though, it's pretty much on him. I think that is slowly starting to dawn on him, and the trick is to keep him from focusing on regret and the "shoulda, woulda, coulda" and point him in the right direction to reach his goal in an alternative way.

Yeah, it's going to suck for him to have to pay off student loans after he graduates, but college costs money. You and K shouldn't be beating yourselves up over not being able to fund it in some way. You've struggled through the last 18 years just to give him what he's got, and he knows that. Now it's time for him to fund his own future. It sucks that college costs as much as it does, but it is an inescapable reality.

You're still his mom, and you can still nudge and push him in the right direction. Or at least a better direction. You've given him the freedom to make his own choices, and he's chosen this specific career path. I think it's great. The rest of us are in our 30's and beyond, and still don't have a clue what path we want to follow. So he's found the path. He just needs to fund the journey.

Encourage (read: force) him to go to the library and ask for all the grant and scholarship info. It's a lot of work. It means more applications and essays. It's also the only way to find out what's available to him and how to get it.

As for D, I don't know what to say. I get concerned when I hear of anyone I know wanting to join the military. We can't all bury our heads in the sand like we did when we were in high school, pretending that we'll never see combat because the world is at peace or close to it. There are wars going on, and the military is strained to the point of sending the same men and women for two and three tours to the same place. It sucks. No one would "want" to send their child to a war zone.

It's his choice though, and it sucks. Right when he's coming to the age where he can make his own decisions, he's steering towards making a decision that scares the living crap out of you.

I wish no one had to go. Ever. That's not how it is anymore though, and it's a shitty world to live it right now. I don't like it, and steering well away from my opinions on whether anyone should be there in the first place, the reality is that our government is sending them. Unfortunately, as long as the powers that be deem it necessary to send troops to these places, we have to send our family and friends there.

I'm personally grateful for the men and women who go. I know I sure as hell would be scared to death. They somehow find the strength and courage to go do what we ask them to do and some, like D, even sign up to go.

As far as the attitude of wanting to go kill people for our country, I'm not sure if you wrote it that way based on his desires or you opinions. If it is his desire, it is enough to give anyone pause. You of all people know D's heart though. I don't think he's a bad kid, and I haven't heard any stories of him having a killer streak. If he grew up torturing puppies and killing anything that moved, that might be a different story. I think a lot of it might just be teenage bravado.

I can barely handle myself sometimes, as you well know. So to be raising to teenage boys right now, with the world the way it is, is just absolutely unimaginable. I think you and K do an absolutely awesome job though. Do you make mistakes? Sure. You're human. I don't see where you have ever made an error that has had life-altering effects on either of the boys though. They have some typical teenage behavior that makes you cringe as a mother, but I don't think any of it is a reflection of you and K as parents. Errors in judgment are par for the course when your a teenage boy. And I don't think either of them have strayed anywhere near the point of no return yet.

As a matter of fact, I remember how expensive my senior year was, and I'm thinking R may be getting his first lesson in budgeting real soon. He'll wish he hadn't smoked, drank and partied away some of that money.

As far as you and that job, I still wish I had just one kernel of wisdom that could help. I just have to keep saying, keep looking. If you think that your short amount of time at this job would look bad on an application, then when they ask your reason for leaving, tell them you were led to believe something other than the truth. You got a job at a bank, and now they expect you to utilize high-pressure sales tactics that you aren't comfortable with. Unless you're interviewing for a telemarketing firm, I think any HR rep you interview with will not only understand that, they'll appreciate it. Management personnel are people too, and their phones ring at dinner just like ours do.

Then again, Wyoming is the next state after Nebraska, so you and Keith could just keep driving after you drop off the kids....